Caoimhe Soffer

Still, Undefeated.

Saturday 23rd Aug Over the last several years, I have been fighting for my own peace of mind, health and justice amidst a battle with an ex-partner I met when I returned to Ireland after being abroad for many years. I was what some may say "defeated" due to a "lack of evidence" and "lack of reliable eyewitnesses", like many people before me. As if anyone knows what goes on in one's home, behind closed doors. Or what it means to be so fearful to tell someone, for fear of your life and others,  you hide behind a mask of cheerfulness and fake laughter. But anyone who knows what it's like to be brought to the brink will understand the importance of Women Aid's work and how they help both the women and children who have been subjected to the trauma, neglect and fear at the hands of their abusers. Some may say "just let it go" and I understand the importance of that sentiment on one hand, so it doesn't overcome and destroy my mental wellbeing. But I'm refusing to shut the door on abuse to women and children. After seeing how it has affected not only my life, but the lives of family members, friends and my communities, I feel it's time to take a stand for others who are on their path to escaping fear-mongering abusers. 35% of women in Ireland (1 in 3) have suffered psychological, physical and/or sexual abuse from an intimate partner (EU Gender Based Violence Survey, Fundamental Rights, 2024). On average, a woman will go back to her abuser seven times, before leaving for good. It may seem unreasonable to some who have never read about coercive control and the manner in which the abuser can enter your mind. To those, I say read the research and talk to the victims. For most people, 1 in 3 could include your mother, your sister, your cousin, aunt, grandmother. It may include a friend, a fellow student or someone you see every day. Just as horrifically, if not more, it could be the children of these women. I would like to thank those who stood beside me in the last three years for all your support whilst I tried to fight; my family, friends and those who didn't know what was going on but kept me smiling throughout the pain. The R.C.C., my G.P., SATU and those who worked in C.U.H and Mercy Hospital. I would especially like to thank the mental health workers from the ground up who kept me alive when it didn't feel like there was light at the end of the tunnel. Lastly, to those at U.C.C. who gave me time, space and a purpose; thank you so much. In the words of Maya Angelou: "We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated... In fact it may be necessary to encounter defeat so that we know who the hell we are, what we can overcome, what makes us stumble and fall, and somehow miraculously rise and go on". I hope some of you may be able to donate, no matter how big or small, every contribution would mean the world to me and those on a path to a better life.

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